My struggle with skinny

What is it about being thin that's so appealing?? <------ Thats something I think about everyday. Every. Single. Day. 

For me, it's everything. The vast array of clothing stores to shop in. The super adorable bikini's there are to choose from. The freedom of comfortably fitting into chairs, auditorium seats, amusement park rides, and anything else you can think of. The feeling of being confident and happy with your body. Being at peace with food. EVERYTHING! 

But there's one problem... I'm so not thin. I never have been and most of the time I feel that I never will be. I was a chubby baby and child, overweight as I went through adolescence and now that I'm just about to enter the 20s I'm just as obese as ever. And I know, you're probably thinking 'Well if you aren't happy, then just do something about it.' But as some of you probably can relate to, that's waaayyyyyy easier said than done. There is just something about sinking my teeth into something packed with sugar and fat and all of the things you shouldn't have, that is oh so satisfying to me. Intense cravings. Ravenous hunger. No self control. Yep, that's me in a nutshell. 

This is totally embarrassing to admit, but I'm currently 247lbs. Toward the end of my freshman year of college, I somehow managed to lose 30lbs. 30!! But then summer came, and then winter came, along with loads of sugar cookies and holiday yummies. And there I was. Back to the beginning. Before I lost those first 30lbs, I was 250lbs. So I gained all but 3 pounds back. Not a complete failure I suppose. But not exactly a success either. 

It feels as though I've tried everything. Weight Watchers, Special K diet plans, South Beach, veggie and fruit detoxes, counting calories, etc. etc. etc. Nothing keeps me motivated and nothing gives me lasting results. My cravings and lack of self control always get the best of me. 

BUT

I have not given up hope completely. As a write this post at my computer, I can see my new containers of slim fast and the blender I purchased earlier today. With support from my wonderful boyfriend, I'm giving the Slim Fast 3-2-1 plan a try. I'll drink a shake for breakfast and lunch and then have a sensible dinner. The plan includes 3 healthy snacks throughout the day as well, which I'll try to fill with fruits or veggies. 

I can feel my stomach growling already.

It's going to be rough. Really rough. But I can't give up. I want to share my weight loss adventure with whoever wants to hear about it. I need you to keep me accountable. And if there's anyone out there who struggles with similar problems, I hope I can encourage and inspire you to make a change and to be the best version of yourself that you can be. 

Here we go!

Let me know about your situation! Your weight loss success or struggles, I'd love to hear about whatever challenges you're going through that are similar to mine. (Or different!:])